I'm a teacher right, I can handle this?! Well I just got done reading my first IEP through a mother's eyes. I've been a part of IEP's before, not often as I used to teach kiddos with limited English and you can't identify delays when they don't speak any English. I digress. Anyways, wow!!!!! I've finally dried my eyes and I'm ready to share. I think my favorite part are the sentences that read: she's doing .... such and such 0% ... thank you. Thank you for pointing that out.
So here's where we're at, just before turning three:
gross motor: 18-24 months, she's not: jumping, jumping off of a step, standing on one foot well (she can do it but only for a second), catching a ball
fine motor: 14-23 months, needs to work on button/unbuttoning and cutting/using scissors. She also didn't make horizontal or vertical lines for them, but she did it for her parent educator yesterday.
social/emotional: here's what really broke me down: During center time, Chelsea is unable to independently engage in parallel play (0 minutes). Chelsea's peers are engaging in imaginative and cooperative play. As per classroom observation this is an area of concern which will be addressed.
I'm completely shocked here, all she does at home is imaginary play. She would play "house" all day if I'd let her. She spends all of her free time taking care of her babies. She's constantly undressing them, covering them up, rocking them, loving them. I guess the way it was phrased just broke my heart and made me just melt.
Then under academic and functional performance and general intelligence: Chelsea's peers are able to sort by color, shape and category. Chelsea sorts by color and category with 0% accuracy. It talks about the importance of knowing her colors b/c they do so much w/ colors in preschool. There have been days though when I have asked Chelsea to point to the blue, the red, the orange, when we're looking at a group of colored shapes and she has, in the past, correctly pointed to all the correct colors. It's impossible for me to know if she really knows it or not.
Oh, and communication, well everyone knows where we stand there. That is the one area I was expecting the worst on. I think this is the key to everything else. Until she can talk, it's going to be hard for anyone to really accurately assess her.
So I'm just sick. The meeting is tomorrow morning at 8am. I guess I just go in and sign, right? I mean, that's how their eval's turned out. Had she performed better she may receive less services. She'll get 20 minutes of speech everyday at preschool (which is 4 days/week), PT is only 15 minutes one day a week, and same w/ OT. That doesn't seem like much for a kid that is so delayed. I may ask about increasing these times.
I'm not mad at anyone. I don't think any person at the school has done anything wrong, bad, or inappropriately. They've done nothing but help us and work with us to make sure Chelsea gets what she needs. It just breaks my heart to see these details in writing. For the past three years we have gotten wonderful reports about Chelsea, compliments on her progress, even details of her excelling in areas. Then I read all of the written report and it makes me feel like I could have done more, I should have done more.
I've had three years, and I didn't get it done. When your child is born with Down syndrome, you have the highest hopes. If I work hard enough, if I teach her more, maybe, just maybe she can keep up. That's what I've always wanted for her. I want her to be able to keep up with her peers, to fit in. I realize she won't be the smartest, or even average, but does it have to be like this? At three years old she's already an entire year behind, even further behind in her speech. When she's six will she be like a four year old and when she's in third grade will she be delayed to a Kindergarten level? It's awful, this feeling that you didn't do enough, that you need to do more. I don't like reading IEP's through these tired and teary mother's eyes.
Hello world!
3 years ago
14 comments:
Oh Carey, I know it's hard, but you know what? Chelsea was doing something INCREDIBLE while all these other kids were off learning their colors and how to cut with scissors... Chelsea BEAT CANCER. How many kids can say that? Ask Chelsea to identify ANYTHING in a doctor's office or hospital room and I bet her receptive language score would SOAR. Ask her to pretend to be a doctor and I bet she'd listen to your heart and take your temp. Yes, Chelsea has been a little busy. The rest will come, in time.
And you know what? You'll be GLAD she doesn't know how to use scissors once another kid in her class cuts their hair ;). Kass and Kam didn't know how to use scissors until the middle of Kindergarten! Ask me if I care.
Who CARES if Chelsea can stand on one foot? Today at the doctors I saw a little four year old girl hopping around on her one foot... and she hopped right into a wall. See what our kids just saved themselves from?? ;) Besides, I seriously doubt I could even stand on one foot for long! LOL
These IEP people need to learn to go on parent report as well... if you say she plays pretend, they should mark it down that she does. If you saw her draw verticle lines yesterday, then that should be marked down too. I don't know why they expect kids to perform on command. None of my 4 will. Don't pay attention to the IEP age equivalents... YOU know your daughter and soon enough her teachers will know her too... and they'll be amazed about how "off" the IEP is.
Chelsea is still Chelsea... and if she's functioning at a Kindergarten level when she's in 3rd grade, GREAT!!! That's perfect for HER! I know it sucks to see it in black and white, but just set it aside and hug your angel. I just KNOW she'll make you feel all better. ;)
Love you!
I just wanted to let know that I am sending you hugs. The one thing as a mom I have had to remember and I am sure you know this is even though she may do many things, if she does not do them for that person at that time, they always put it down as unable to do. I felt the same way, I had three years and didn't get it done. But you know what, most teachers would tell you imagination is great for her and also once she is in school she will bloom. Hope has been in school for two years and she is just starting to play with other children. She would be there among them but not really play, play with them. You did great as a mom and being with other children will do her so much good. Today, my little girl ran out of the door to catch the van that takes her to the bus...we open enroll, whole different story, and said "bye mom" I was in tears but she is finally gaining the independence I want for her. She did it in her own time. Hugs to you sweet mom of Chelsea. You have done a wonderful job. You are a wonderful mom.
You are an amazing mom, doing an amazing job.Chelsea is one amazing kid,doing amazing things.I know you know this and I know it is so difficult to not compare or speculate or feel guilt.But don't.Do you hear me?Don't.Chelsea is thriving and blossoming and growing after the fight of her life.A fight FOR her life.She is our inspiration for Zoey.We think she is perfect.Love to you.Tomorrow you will see this through different eyes.Less tired and less teary.A new day.A new deal.That is the blessing ..... you HAVE a new day to look forward to.To live.Great things await you all.
First off, I love Renee's comment. Sorry but she is right. Carson is 2 years, 9 months and he still doesn't know how to cut. He doesn't draw a straght line either. He has sensory processing disorder. But just like Carson, Chelsea is advanced in other areas.
Keep in mind, they only saw her for a few hours. This is a little girl that has been by your side for three years. Maybe she is out of her enviroment and doesn't feel like performing. I know that it seems like a setback but just like Renee said, she beat cancer so who cares how long it takes her to figure out the rest. Let her take her Chelsea time and you just enjoy her as she is.
Take care and I'll send prayers your way to lift your mommy spirits.
Renee's post was awesome! I feel your pain and tears sister. We just went through Matty's IEP this summer. They start at age 2 in our state. I remember reading the testing report and crying my eyes out. The whole time thinking they had mixed Matthew up with someone else. It was terrible. On one or two areas, he barely scored above minimum - how could that be!! I was equally frustrated during our first IEP meeting and we refused to sign it. We then opted for a short term IEP (it was 30 or 45 days) as a compromise between us and the school. It ended up being a very effective. We were able to give the school a chance and see how Matthew progresses and they were able to observe Matthew further to learn his full abilities. We have since completed the full IEP. I wasn't 100% satisfied with everything however I have witnessed Matthew flourish beyound words at preschool in the last 4 months. He wasn't walking, only had a few signs and hardly any words when he started. He is now practically running, signing galore and his words/speech is coming along nicely. Hang in there! Can't wait to hear about her first day. She is going to do great.
hugs!
Oh yes, what Renee said! I was going to say something along the same lines, but she said it better. Hugs to you....we've all been there, and we've come out of it ok. Hang in there, it will be ok, and Chelsea is AWESOME no matter what a piece of paper says. You know who she is, and SHE knows who she is. That's what counts.
This is coming from a family member who has watched you and Ryan take care of that little girl every day of her life.Chelsea could not have a better mother and father! You guys have done everything possible for that sweet girl. . I think once she starts school and she gets used to the place and the people, they will see how smart she is. Anytime a teacher says anthing negative about your child, it hurts your heart. I think you have been an amazing teacher to her You both have been through sooooooooo much. Give it some time, and believe in yourself and Chelsea, and you will see that she will do okay.I am confident that you have and will continue to do everything possible to make sure Chelsea will be ALL SHE CAN BE! And she is an amazing,smart, and loving little girl. Love, Grandma C.
Carey---I have been there as well. Tucker started school in September, IEP's suck. They do tend to point out those things that our kids are not doing instead of what they have learned so far. Tucker was also not being involved in circle time when he started at school at first. He wouldnt sit in the cirle, he was off by himself. He gradually got involved and is a part of it now. It takes our kiddos a while to feel comfortable, it is a new setting, new people, new things to do, new expectations. UNTIL they learn those it is "out of element defense" time.
It is very discouraging to do an IEP. However, when it comes to the next years IEP, there are a few things that you get to mark off and move on to different things. I can just tell you though, look at our babies faces, the smile they bring to EVERYONE,,,,do other families have kids like that? NOPE. Tucker is the first one to go to the kid sitting in the corner in a wheel chair that cannot come and interact, he just leans against the chair and looks right into that kiddos face, says HI and bring him a toy and lays it gently in his lap. I much rather have a kiddo like that then one that cant say red is red at age 3. I think WE are the ones blessed. Hugs to you.....
Chelsea is doing things other kids her age can't do-she is loving every minute of every day! She is such a loving little girl that has had a bumpy road, and BEATEN it! As a teacher I know those papers are not parent friendly and they are so matter of fact. Well, it is too bad that they don't say on there what all Chelsea has been through and what all she CAN do. Keep your head up and know that she is just the way God wants her to be and thank him one more time that she is HERE with you. She has fought so hard for everything she has that other kids don't even know how to fight for what they want. That is something to hold your head up high for.
You are a great parent and one that wants the best for her daughter, keep doing what your doing and holding her hand along the way. She is your CHELSEA!!!!
This is a ditto to Renee's comment beautifully said. I have followed your blog for quite a while and see that you are a wonderful mommy and Chelsea is very lucky to have you.
With that said, I know what you are feeling, like others have already said, we've all been there. And yes, they do need to take what you say at it's word and mark it down. They are not with her long enough to make all those calls. I have what I call a "control group" in my house and yes, my Molly is about 12-15 months behind her sister in almost all areas but you know what? I mark down what Maggie does and know that Molly will do it within that time frame. They are each so unique and DS kids find their own path to follow; that's what makes them so fun! Anyway, Chelsea is doing awsome!
Chelsea is amazing! She is a cancer survivor. Chelsea may also be shy when it comes to "preforming" for people. I have seen it so many times working with special needs kids. When they are comfortable they will do it all, if they feel stressed they don't do well. I am one of them. I test horribly! Does it make me less smart? No not at all. Chelsea is smart, even better she is loving and compassionate! Chelsea is an amazing person, she will grow up and become something amazing. I'm sure it would be hard to listen to that, I can't pretend I know anything about it, I don't have kids. But when I look at Chelsea I think she is amazing. I say that from the standpoint of a teacher as well.
I HATE IEP's too. Gah. But you know Renee is right. Even though Rhett hasn't been through cancer, he has been through alot medically, and I think the fact that our kids are still here, **and** doing as well as they are, well that's a huge tribute to us as their moms right?
Even though Rhett's communication skills are good, he lacks in soooo many other areas. His gross motor skills are only 12 to 18 months and he's THREE.
His fine motor skills? Well, we aren't even going to go there.
I think the fact that Chelsea is actually well enough to go to school says some HUGE things. It doesn't matter what her peers are doing. Chlesea will get there when she is ready.
Remember "Chelsea will do what Chelsea will do when Chelsea is ready to do it."--Thank you Rachel Coleman.
I think you have done an awesome job with Chles, and remember, Signing IS a language. I just posted about this on my blog.
Regardless of whether she speaks with her voice or with her hands, she is still speaking with you, and still communicating with you.
I think the biggest thing with Rhett's IEP was his 5 page medical history of what they have to do before they come to the house and see him, as well as when he is actually well enough to go to school, the accomadations that they will need to make for him. I bawled for days just because I want him healthy.
We love you guys, and Rhett still thinks Chelsea is one Hottie mama.
((HUGS))
Sending {{hugs}}. First IEPs are tough, especially those evaluations.
Kayla consistently scores in the 1/10th of 1 percentile. They have her DQ (developmental quotient, similar to IQ) at 52. She's turning 5 in April and her age equivalent is 9 - 18 months. Geez, by reading her scores you'd think she was a vegetable!
But our kids are NOT a number or an age equivalent. And yeah, use those low numbers to YOUR advantage to get MORE services and justify what Chelsea NEEDS for school.
First of all, I hope that I am not repeating anything that anyone else has said. But, I understand how you feel about getting that first IEP done. Believe or not, it will get better when you receive reports about her meeting her goals. I look forward to those as well. I know that it is hard to read on paper, even if you are like me and know some of those things already. Once you actually see the progress in Chelsea it will make you even more proud of her. I hope that you realize that you have done wonderful things for Chelsea, some of which other parents couldn't do. She is an amazing little girl who touches many people's lives and continues to do so.
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