Some days you just can't get out of bed, literally. Just taking a shower, getting dressed is a feat in itself. It's like the pressure has mounted all at once. We've survived the hurdles we've been handed so far, and I should be living my life to the fullest right? Soaking in every day of every week, but that's a lot of pressure. I suppose it's just how my mind works, if I can't give it 110% then I just can't function.
This morning our friend Kerry was on my mind. I knew in a few hours her family would be laying her to rest. Fifteen years is a lifetime to a five year old, but in the big picture, it's not enough. Each time I think of her, I am able to find peace in the fact that she was a child who made the most of everything. She did live every day of her life, ... to the fullest. So why can't I? I'm hoping eventually, one day, I will be able to get out of bed, put one foot in front of the other and not think about all of the sickness and pain. That day wasn't today, but maybe it will be tomorrow.
Today was also difficult as it would have been my stepfather's birthday. Another reminder of cancer, of life, and of death. We met with our family tonight for dinner. Good food and good company equals a good ending right? Unfortunately things didn't end as they should have, and instead of being thankful that we're all here, able to be together, we parted on a sour note. Over what exactly, I don't remember. The freedom of one's own opinion I suppose. Well for what it's worth, here's my opinion; We can agree to disagree. You can't let your "problems" get the best of you because at the end of the day when we tuck our kids in to bed, and lay down in our nice warm beds, we can all agree, we're pretty darn lucky.
Hello world!
3 years ago
6 comments:
I hope your feeling better today! I have never been through what you have but I have had some really rough times the past few years. Now that everything is settling in and getting better I still find it tough to get back to living. I think it's called Post Traumatic Stress disorder. Well that's what I call it anyway. Hope today is an amazing day for you :)
I agree ... we are all lucky to be here and to be loved and have loved ones.
Everyone should rejoice in that!
Rachel
Carey - thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs.
I too have never been through some of the things you have been, but I think we all at one time or another can have those feelings. I have found your blog through another little girl I follow and I am always checking on Chelsea. She continues to amaze me with her strength. I had not checked on you guys today and I was reading the newspaper and saw the sweetest picture of Chelsea for the Easter Seals ad. What a precious gift you have in her....
Angie
Carey, I lost a friend yesterday, and as I was talking about it with a mutual friend she shared how her grief didn't start until AFTER her cancer treatments were over. It's like he adrenaline of getting thru the emergency takes over while you're dealing with it and then your body just wants to shut down once life returns to "normal" because life will really never be normal again.
Much love honey and I'm praying for a peaceful place in your heart. Also praying for all of our friends who have lost loved ones too early.
Oh wow, I could have totally written that post.
Gah, I have those days more often than not. It's driving Andy nuts, but I don't know how to stop it.
I haven't been though what you have, but still, I have been through alot and it's hard .
I feel your pain my friend, and it just plain sucks. there is no other way to descibe it.
As for family, and extended family, also have the same issues. They just DON'T get it. They have no idea what life is all about.
My MIL doesn't even know anything about my kids other than Hunter. He is the only one she really has taken the time to get to know, so we have had to stop him from going over there because she refuses to take the other kids too.
Not to mention that she is not sober 98.9% of the time.
Anyways, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.
((HUGS))
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