Round 2, Day 8

I'll admit it, I have a love hate relationship going with blogging. I love that it's a great way to update all of our family and friends, but I hate taking the time to just sit down and do it! The past week I'm constantly thinking, ~ I need to post that on my blog~ but as you see I have yet to post anything! So here it goes, our past week in a nutshell.

Tuesday:
* I laid with Logan until he fell asleep. I told him Chelsea and I will be going to the hospital Friday and will have to stay for a while, but he can visit on the weekends. He said, "don't forget me, k mom?" Just rip my heart out of my chest won't you?!!!!

Wednesday:
* Chelsea feeling much better, back to her playful self, and eating like a champ (much better than big brother actually!)
* Logan got a time out at school for hitting his "best buddy". The teacher overheard him tell his friend that his mom was dead. The teacher is growing increasingly concerned about him as she has heard him telling friends on multiple occasions about his sister who is "very sick" and "has canceree."

Thursday:
* I called Logan's school and left a message for the counselor hoping he can pull Logan and talk to him soon.
* Mommy is in a panic trying to get ready for our long stay at the hospital! There are so many things to do to get ready and I'm trying to spend as much quality time with Logan as possible. We made it home from school before dark and took a little walk/bike ride. Poor kid...I didn't realize how pathetic his bike has become. He's worn it completely down, it's hardly rideable b/c the training wheels are all rusted up and crooked. Not to mention it's way too small for him. It makes me smile though b/c he doesn't even notice, he just gets back on after tipping and keeps going. I think he's just excited to be spending some time with me and sister. It was great b/c he told me all about his day at school, his teachers birthday, playing spider man at recess (he was the red one and his best buddy was the black one), reading a book about monsters, and he told me that he talked to one teacher and started crying today. He told me he was talking about his sister and it made him cry.
* Feeling so sad and guilty, I laid in bed with Logan until he fell asleep tonight. We talked for a while. He's looking forward to staying with grandparents but I can tell he's really going to miss me. He grabbed my arm and curled it around him while he was dozing off. It felt so good to snuggle with him. He's often so ornery, but really he's such an angel, he's really quite sensitive.
* I stayed up way too late finishing some projects I promised for Logan, a new robe, some waffle knit jammies with pirate treasures on them. They're not that great, but to him, they're the best. I love how excited he gets.

Friday:
* Running waaaay late for our appointment in the clinic, but fortunately my mom (who was going with me) was running equally late and when I called her she was only 3 miles ahead of me on the highway! I guess it runs in the family. Tardiness is genetic right?
* Arrive in clinic and there are 2 other patients waiting to be admitted, the floor is full. We finally get moved up around noon. Her ANC was 360, hemoglobin, 9.1 (getting close to a transfusion), and her platelets, 120 (impressive!)
* Jeesh! Chemo doesn't start until 3pm! We gave her benedryl BEFORE chemo this time in hopes to prevent a rash (so far so good, no rash!) We thought since her ANC had dropped and she's neutropenic that these four doses would kick her butt, well, not my little stinker, she's up and running like a little maniac today and she even had her second dose at 3am!

Saturday:
* She ate breakfast like a champ!!! She didn't sleep well last night, she was up at 3:30 ready to play b/c she wet through her clothes and they had to get her up and change her and her bedding. She wouldn't go back to sleep with me, so Daddy had to rock her...3 times....until she finally went back to sleep! She was up at 6:30 again ready to start her day, but since I didn't go to sleep until after 3am when they started chemo, I was not. Once again she thinks mommy means playtime, so Daddy snuggled her up next to him and she fell back asleep until 8:30! Whew!

* I got an awful headache around 3:30am (probably b/c I was soooo tired) and it just wouldn't go away with my meds this morning, so I was laying down mid morning. Then I heard Ryan struggling chasing Chelsea around (she's hooked to fluids). He said that she had broken the line she was attached to so he was going to walk up to the nurses desk with her and tell them. She of course was over at my bed loving on me, then she followed him out of the room. Next thing I know I hear him say "blood!" I've never jumped up so fast! I thought she had pulled her Hickman out of her chest and was bleeding out, but fortunately she was just bleeding out of her line. I clamped it off and the nurses came running to get her fixed up. They cleaned her up, ran a new line and ran cultures just to be sure no bacteria entered her line. She of course didn't feel a thing, but it scared us to death! She didn't lose much blood, one nurse estimated maybe 5cc's. The nurse said that is NOT supposed to happen. Evidently it was a faulty 'hose' and they wrote an incident report and will send the hose to the company. Never a dull moment!!!

Last night was really hard on me because I'm having a really hard time falling back asleep once someone comes into the room. I hear everyone come in, I watch what they're doing (vitals, diaper change, give meds etc.) and then I lay awake and can't fall back asleep. Last night I had an especially hard time falling asleep initially. We moved rooms around 10:30 b/c our first room didn't have a tub and we knew that would be impossible to shower Chels. So after unpacking I just laid in bed and my mind raced. Our first room had a little boy in it, about Logan's age, who was all alone. His mom and siblings had been there all day (exceptionally loud I might add). They were trapped in the room b/c one of the siblings had MRSA. Then they left and the little boy was all alone in the big bed. He asked Ryan twice to turn the light on for him. Someone kept turning it off and every time he woke up again. Poor kid, he must have been scared. Honestly, if the family didn't have MRSA, I would have gone in to sit with him. I just couldn't risk contracting something like that and giving it to Chels. Trust me though, I wanted to go sit with him so badly. My heart was breaking. I know different families have different situations, but seeing this kind of stuff never gets easier. I've been around it so much, especially working in some of the schools I have, but I think it pulls at my heart strings a little more now that I have my own kids.
Carey