Spread the Word

There is a word that ties my stomach in knots every time I hear it, and I hear it often.  Each time, I have to make a decision.  Do I say something, or ignore it and act as if I didn't hear that person completely disrespect my daughter?  The word retarded, or retard, is used so casually, most people don't even realize how incredibly hurtful it is.  My daughter has Down syndrome and according to medical professionals, is mentally retarded (although the term MR has recently changed to ID, intellectually disabled).  Each time I hear the R-word it's like somebody is taking a cheap shot at her.  Some of the uncomfortable scenario's I've been in: 

* Years ago, when one of my daughter's physical therapists couldn't get a toy to work, she shook it, and then checked the batteries only to realize it wasn't turned on.  "Oh, I'm so retarded today," she said right in front of this sweet child with an intellectual disability.  AND her parents.

Retarded means you didn’t have the common sense to check the on/off switch?

More like you didn’t have the common sense to sensor your degrading vocabulary in front of one of the many children with disabilities you WORK with every day.

* I am a teacher and upon starting at a new school I overheard a tenured teacher (just finishing her master's degree in education administration) talking to a novice teacher about their upcoming mentor meeting.  "I don't know why we have to go to those meetings, they're so retarded."  This was said right after school, in the hallway amongst a number of young, impressionable children.  If it’s okay for our teacher to say it, then it must be okay for her 4^th graders to use it too, right?

Retarded is something unwanted, something terrible you don’t want to do or be a part of?

What’s so unwanted or terrible about this?

Uh, nothing.

* On crazy hair day, I commented on another teachers’ crazy hair.  I admired her creativity.  She smiled and said, “oh gosh, but I feel like I look so retarded.” 

Retarded means bad, awful, ugly?  What does retarded look like?

Because I think it’s exquisite beauty.

* Once, a Kindergarten teacher told the special education teacher at my previous building, "don't give me any more of your students, I have enough 'tards' this year.”

The above statement is pretty plain and simple, this person is working in the wrong field.  If it were up to me, this person would have been hauled off to jail and charged with a hate-crime by her words alone.  I can’t even explain how difficult it was to see her face every single day. Her words cut like a knife.

Is this how teachers typically talk?  No.  But when they do, I find it particularly appalling.  I am at my 3rd school since Chelsea was born, and finally I feel at peace.  I am at a safe place.  A place where we are all unique.  And that's okay.  A place where respect truly means respect.

These are just a handful of the numerous times I've been faced with the question, do I speak up or let it go?  I can't count the times the Walmart cashier has let it slide, or a relative let it slip on Christmas, or a parent at a school function.  You would think I'd be good at speaking up, but it just never gets easier. 

And when I do speak up in these situations, I get the typical excuses,

"I wasn't talking about your daughter." 

"I didn't mean it like that."

Okay, but you said it.  And it's hurtful.  

Then I let my darling girl flash them a big smile if she's with me.  If not, I pull out a picture of this precious little girl.  I explain all the reasons she is NOT unwanted, or terrible, and how clearly she is NOT bad, awful, or ugly.  

She is perfect.

It’s time to stop.  Now.

If you haven't already, take the pledge.  Spread the word to end the word.  3-7-12