Nobody Said Life Was Easy

I'm angry.

Not angry at anyone, or anything persay, just mad.

Today we received a draft of Chelsea's IEP. I knew it would be hard to read, and it was, but at least I was ready for that this year. It was nice to see all the gains she's made over the past year. She's playing cooperatively with others, she has a longer attention span to sit at circle time, play at a center, attend to the teachers. She's using much more expressive language - really trying to talk. All good, no, great things.

Then I read the rest and I can't help but feel drained, sad, and angry. It's not anything anybody has done - her teacher has been nothing less than perfect. (And that's saying a lot coming from another teacher. Usually teachers are overly critical of their child's teacher.)

It's still incomprehensible to me - why do things have to be so hard for her? I know there are lots of things she'll do in her own time. I know. It just makes me incredibly mad that she has to try so much harder and work so much longer to accomplish things that come simply to her peers. So who is there to blame?

The easy thing to do is blame myself. If I wasn't working, I could go to her therapy like I used to, then I would know what she needs to be doing. I feel blind sighted - I didn't even know they were working on most of the things stated in the IEP and I don't have a clue how to help her with them. Lateral tongue movement?(Huh?) Running with correct form?(I thought there was only one way to run!)

After reading through the IEP I crawled in bed and snuggled up next to her. Stroking her freshly cleaned baby soft hair, rubbing those dry little legs, and those oh so sweet feet (with the big ol' gap between the toes) I couldn't help but think of the day she was born. We had no idea what the next four years would bring. We knew it would be hard, but we weren't even thinking about pre-school, IEP's, or God forbid I even mention it - Kindergarten.

After reading her goals for the next year - most of which aim at her doing things her peers are already doing - I realize she'll still be a year behind come next January. Then what? She'll be FIVE! Do we just delve into Kindergarten knowing she's got the skills of a four year old preschooler, or do we hold her back a year preparing her to perform her very best in Kindergarten?

You know what else pisses me off? The fact that I even have to think about things like this - puzzles, lateral tongues, and CVCV's. Ahhhh!

* Oh yeah, and don't leave me a comment that goes like this: Carey, she'll do it all in her own time, don't worry, she'll do fine. Blah, blah, blah. I know, she's fine, she'll be fine. Just let me be mad for a little while about it all, okay? No pity needed, ... really. I'm fine, and I'll get over it. I already know she's perfect. She's absolutely perfect in every way.

I'll update more on the details of the IEP later.

Happy Birthday Sweet Pea!

I will admit, the past week didn't quite go as planned, but when does it ever? So my blogging plans got set aside, but I couldn't let today pass without acknowledging the very spectacular day that it is! Four years ago today my baby girl was born and our lives were forever changed in ways we could have never predicted.

The good news is I was able to do much of what I did with her four years ago - hold and cuddle her perfect little being while admiring every beautiful inch of her astoundingly beautiful face. The bad news? When this precious little four year old vomits, she grabs my head and pulls it next to her head. Yep, I was basically cheek to cheek with my pretty little princess while she threw up - all, day, long. Not to mention I was holding the hand of a certain 6 year old while he did the same thing all night long.

So it may not be the most glamorous way to spend your fourth birthday, but I was thankful I got to snuggle and love on her as much as I did. Praying for a quick recovery tonight so my little cupcake can wear her new birthday dress, open her presents and enjoy a piece of cake to celebrate her special day!!!